Q: Hey I have a problem at heart, and I really need someones advise that knows tunisian and there mentality. Ok here is the story, i may have to post more then one posting, so please barre with me. It started all in September of 2004, I meet this incredible guy at a club. His name was Hassan, he was a officer in the tunisian militar and stationed for six month in the USA. After that night in the club we exchanged phone numbers, and a couple of days later i called him, we went on a date to drink coffee.Anyways after a few more dates we saw each other daily, we also had an agreement that this was just a relationship for six month and their was no future on both sides, his reason was that he told me his mother didn't accept forgainers, and another one was because the tunisian militar doesn;t allow such marriages, so basically he would of lost everything if he listen to his heart. I know for a fact that he wasn;t married in tunisa and that he was telling me the truth, anyways so that thing with the friends and benefits didn't work because we both started to love each other, after the six month went by he returned to his country, leaving me here with a broken heart. I should mention though that i couln't go even it i wanted to. We stayed in contact the whole past 2 1/2 years, he got married and had a son. Now the last time he emailed me and ask me told me he needed to hear my voice. So i gave him my number, because even if i can't have him, i still want to be his friend. So to my suprise he called me when i wasn't at home and left me a message saying that he misses me and loves me. The second time when he called he told me he had made an misstake and that he realized how much he loved me, but he knows that this late realization is problaby to late. I have to say that i love this man with all my heart and i would give anything to be with him again, however i do have three children, and i think there would be no future. I am not sure if he loves me...... I haven't talked to him to see what is going on in his life, nor do i have the phone number. It is not to hard to find his phone number, because i know were he life, but i don't want to interfear with his life. So can some one tell me, how tunisian men are and why he is doing this to me? Is their really love and can it last this long? Should i call him? What would you do in my situation? Thank you Linda ps. sorry for the spelling after i am german, and have been in the usa for the past 4 years....... :-) Please if you don't understand my situationen and acuse me of trying to break up a family, then don't answer, he got married because his family want him to and because he is in the military, we had have a relationship for six month and we both new that their is no future..... Linda i appriciated the advise form all of you , and i know with my mind that i would never interfer with his family that he has now. I tryed to let go and wanted him just as friends, like i said i never thought that he would of called me and telling me that he loved me. I also contaced him one year ago befor i knew he was married, i found his number in the white pages, anyways i told him i didn't know, and why he didn't tell me in an email that he was married, he told me that he was sorry but he had no choice not marry her, i know he is unhappy with her and i know that he love me, but i am not naive to think that their will be a future for us, i grew up with arabic and moslems and i know that giving up everything for a women would be so degrading to the man. Yes i love him, and yes i always will, but i couldn't life with being a homewreaker. Maybe when we seperated and he ask me to come to his country befor his "Sisters wedding" so i could visit with his familiy, should off.......
A: I am an American who is married to a Tunisian. My husband is also an officer in the military (he's currently a Captain in the Tunisian Air Force). While marriages with foreigners is discouraged, it is not forbidden. There are a few rules regarding military persons and marriage to a foreigner, but since that time has passed, I will not go into them. Second, many Tunisians come from mixed marriages. It became more prominent starting from when France was still an occupying force in Tunisia. Today there are many, many mixed marriages. While it could be true that his mother would not approve (yes, there are still some who don't), it is pretty much a widely accepted practice. Third, many Tunisian men look for non-Tunisian women because of many factors. While it is true that some men are only looking for green cards, the majority are truly looking for love and a stable relationship. Fourth. This is going to be hard, I can imagine. The man is now married. I strongly believe that no matter how much you love him or he loves you, that marriage is a sacred vow and you should not in anyway interfere with it. I can tell you right now that divorce is NOT common in Tunisia, and those who are divorced are looked down upon. If he does leave his wife for you (Tunisians are only allowed one wife), any chance that you would have had of his family liking you or approving of you would be gone. The 'other women' here in Tunisia is thought of very badly, and not accepted by family, friends, or society. It would be made worse by the fact that he has a child with his wife. A lot of people here in Tunisia are still able to be friends with their exes, and their spouses become friends with the ex as well. Seeing as how you two can not seem to make that switch, I would advise against trying it. I know that it seems harsh, and must be a hard thing to do, but I think the best thing for the both of you is to make a clean break. The longer you carry it out, the harder it becomes, the more complicated it becomes, and the more hurt is caused to all involved. If you need someone to talk to about this, please feel free to contact me. I wish the best for you in this situation and hope that everything works out.